Thursday, March 20, 2014



Something very strange is going on down at the studio. I was up early this morning, ready for my make-up call, but the car did not arrive to take me to the set. I placed several calls to Helmut, the producer, but I was informed he was not at home. A call to the studio was shunted to an adenoidal secretary who did not seem to know who I am and, when I asked to be connected to the Fillies set, transferred me to some Philadelphia based sporting franchise.

I decided that I must have misread my call sheet and that I was not needed for today's scenes and poured myself a bubble bath to relax on my unexpected day off. Bath time was interrupted by the appearance of Norman who fell into the tub, fully clothed, and began to sing Anchors Aweigh at the top of his lungs. It was then that I realized he had been at the Nyquil again. Nurse Tameka had to subdue him and run a blow dryer over him before she bundled him off to Merv Griffin Enterprises where he was to tape a special appearance on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune .

After putting my feet up for a few hours and working on my lines for some upcoming dialog scenes, I decided to settle in with the home theater for a spell. Poking through my unreviewed tapes, I happened across Orgazmo in a bright orange box with a superhero on the cover. Having been a great fan of Superfriends in my youth, I decided that a romp with one of superpowers might be a lovely way to spend the afternoon. I was not quite prepared for what the movie had in store.

Orgazmo is a film from the Trey Parker/Matt Stone team responsible for South Park . There is no denying that these two have comic talent, despite a penchant for words they wouldn't dare utter in front of their mothers, but this one, despite some interesting ideas, is something of a misfire. Parker stars as Joe Young, a Mormon missionary assigned to Los Angeles. He and his partner are having the usual doors slammed in their faces until they happen upon a mansion in which a porn shoot is in progress. While in the process of being thrown out by security, our intrepid hero shows his chop-sockey prowess and is immediately offered a great deal of money to star as Orgazmo, a porn superhero character, as the prior actor has just been placed out of commission. Young Joe, needing a few extra ducats to afford a Temple wedding to his intended back home, agrees, and soon the clean-cut missionary is involved in the modern porn business (and learns that he need not necessarily become impure due to the marvels of modern filmmaking).

This is a rather nifty premise for an adult comedy/satire on our puritanical culture that oxymoronically elevates pornography to the same level of celebrity (in certain circles) as other means of artistic expression. Unfortunately, this isn't the movie to do it. The writing isn't smart enough and the film degenerates into a mish-mash of kung fu, evil businessmen, kidnappings, and people being petrified by an orgasm inducing stun gun.

The acting ranges from decent (Robyn Lynne Raab as Young's all trusting fiancĂ©e who believes his new found wealth is coming from a production of Death of a Salesman ) to execrable (Ron Jeremy basically playing himself - vile human that he is). Most of the funny bits come from Dian Bachar, an elfin little man (and a regular in the Parker/Stone talent stable) as Orgazmo's sidekick, Choda Boy, who has a dildoe for all occasions, often stuck on the top of his head; he's an inspired physical comedian and the film gets a lift whenever he's around.

As in most low humor movies, there's a plethora of sight gags and throwaway lines, most of them sexual in nature and predominantly of the type mainly interesting to high school sophomores. In many ways, it strikes me that the screenplay was something Parker and Stone dreamed up in high school English class when the teacher was out of the room. The major reason they then made it was probably to fulfill their fantasies of being on a porn set.

I cannot recommend the film, as it tends to be witless when it should be witty and eventually falls apart as the one or two good ideas are stretched far too thin and leavened with a dozen bad ones. Your high school aged children, however, will love it (although you won't appreciate their wasting their minds on it - give them The Miller’s Tale and The Decameron instead.)

Mormon jokes. Penis jokes. Breast jokes. Buttocks jokes. Gratuitous sushi bar. Naked mariachi band. Gratuitous Juli Ashton. Flying dildoes. Way too much Ron Jeremy (in multiple senses of the word).

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